82 Liters

After 2 full days of meditation, Joe decided the course was not for him. He thought it was moving too slowly, disliked the chanting (more on that later), and thought the teacher was using pseudoscience to make his points. Luckily, we had discussed this potential situation and had a plan on how to meet up and communicate after the course. I had hoped not to notice, but the genders were only separated by an aisle in the meditation room, so I immediately saw when he didn’t show up on Day 3. My mind was totally consumed with this news at first, but surprisingly, I was able to move on after an hour. That is, until about Day 6 when I laid awake at night thinking of extreme situations (could he be really sick?) and almost used my Kindle to check email. I finally convinced myself that this was a good opportunity to practice balance in responding to whatever might have happened. Though I do not encourage attending with the idea of leaving (you are taking someone else’s spot, taking advantage of others’ generosity, etc), his ability to leave was further proof that this is not a cult, and he appreciated his short time there.

Mind games

I inevitably created some mental games to occupy myself, such as breaking the habit patterns of others. I noticed most people sat in a particular seat at each mealtime, so I purposely sat in those seats to see what would happen next. It was like watching the nature channel. During long bouts of meditation my inner cheerleader came alive and I sometimes repeated the instructor’s words in cute little chants using alliteration (“stay calm and quiet”, “be patient and persistent”). The first time I heard the instructor doing some chanting, which faded out into a long croaking noise, I thought he was slowly dying and my eyes shot open to see if anyone else found it funny. Free time also consisted of watching the very active frogs in the pond and pacing in the front yard.  Overall I wasn’t bored, and maybe twice the whole week I found myself thinking that a book or some music would be nice. It was pretty interesting how much my mind wandered into the past and brought up memories of people and events I had completely forgotten. During some of the sittings where we tried not to move, I contemplated how athletes must have very balanced minds in order to deny the physical pain in their bodies. I also thought about Tiger Woods and how his Buddhism had or had not helped him out in life.

Vow of silence

Day 10

After 9 days living the life of a monastic, it was a relief to be able to talk again, and to have a slightly more relaxed schedule. It was a surreal feeling, and we all felt a bit uneasy to TALK (better have something good to say after all this time!). Here was my first opportunity to see if the silent personalities I had “gotten to know” all week matched up with what the other meditators had to say. I was relieved to hear what people really thought of the course, whether critical or praising. One girl even said the course made her realize her life was already really good and she would never meditate again. I got an earful when one Serbian girl let loose on me explaining why she didn’t like America (though she assured me it wasn’t directed at me). It was a weird day, and the laid back vibe made it hard to concentrate. During our last meditation of the day someone snorted and the room almost went crazy with laughter until the teacher had to speak up in order to quiet us down.

Several people mentioned that they were impressed it was my first time, because of how disciplined I seemed. I generally sat in the meditation hall during individual sessions vs. in my bed, and never skipped the early morning session. I didn’t really know it was optional, but decided if I was there to try out the technique I might as well take advantage of the time. Plus, meditating on my bottom bunk bed didn’t appeal to me. I guess my true “hardcore” nature came through even in the silence?! It was pretty funny to contrast my approach with Joe’s dropout experience!

My “co-meditators”

Before we went, Joe predicted the course would be full of depressed people, while I figured it would be a similar crowd to yoga class. In fact it was an interesting mix of people from many countries (about half Serb, half not), mostly older (maybe 5 of 20 women under 30, most of the rest over 40). There were also a few famous people in our presence: one washed up celebrity singer lady, a finalist from the Eurovision Song Contest, and the owner of a Serbian organic food store chain. In addition we had 2 professors (demography, geology), 4 homeopaths, a physician, an artist, and one advertising exec.

Classroom Review

While most of the course is actual meditation practice, there are evening instruction sessions which at times engaged me with the sound logic presented, and at other times had me rolling my eyes.

Classroom where we gathered around the laptop in the evenings

Positive Teachings:

• Equanimity. I spent a good while wishing I could look up this word on wikipedia, but finally got comfortable with the idea that one can choose to react, or remain balanced and neutral when observing physical sensations. I also learned (only after asking), that this does not mean being a vegetable. Continue making decisions, but refrain from developing craving or aversion to these experiences.
• Everything that arises, passes.
• Seek to find practical application/meaning in rites and rituals.

Questionable/Disagreeable Aspects:

• Mr. Goenka as the teacher. This man from India presents himself as the only teacher – all evening lectures are pre-recorded videos of him, and are played exactly the same in every course worldwide. Why can’t others teach this “simple, universal” technique? His is the only voice you hear all week. While I really liked his style, his stories, and most of what he said, it reeks of someone presenting himself as the divine, or building a cult of personality around himself.
• Non-sectarian. Goenka repeats endlessly that the technique is for all religions, all people, but the course is in fact very Buddhist in its teachings. Okay, fine, it is not religious in that you do not have to convert, but it would be like learning how to serve as a volunteer at a camp where every single story is about this guy named Jesus Christ helping others, and how we should follow his example.
• Rebirth. Not integral to the course but mentioned a few times (though he does say its fine if you do not believe in this).
• Chanting. Despite talking about avoiding meaningless rituals, Goenka did some chanting at the end of each group session after which the group was “suggested” to respond. It seemed inconsistent. Though I generally don’t mind chanting, I chose not to do it every time to avoid the mindless herd mentality.
• Pain Management. There are some “special sittings” where you try not to move, and I got really mixed messages about when to listen to my body and when not to. This goes along with the pseudo-science that Joe mentioned. Though, I mostly tended to ignore what I didn’t believe, I really wrestled with how far to go in this very physical part of the meditation.

Concluding Thoughts